The doggerel haggadah

[rhu]

The Hagaddah "Davida"

Copyright © 5761 [2001 CE] by Andrew M Greene
Revised 5766 [2006 CE]

* * *

Praise the Lord
and sanctify Him
Zecher Yitziyat
Mitzrayim

* * *

Affliction's bread
is on our dish;
Let all who hunger
Join our tisch.

* * *

Of all the nights
we've ever spent,
Why is this night
different?

All other nights,
We dine on bread.
Why this night
Matzah instead?

Instead of veggies,
We eat chrein,
And dip our food,
And dip again!

One final thing:
Why, when we dine,
Tonight we do so
And recline?

* * *

Slaves we were
in Pharaoh's land.
God brought us forth
with outstretched hand.

The Pesach tale
we would reprise
Even if
we were all wise.

* * *

One child is smart,
One loves transgressions,
One says "huh?"
One can't ask questions.

"First of Nissan"
you might say.
Talmud lomar:
"on that day."

My father was
an Aramean.
But Laban tried
to stop his bein'.

They made us work
on Saturdays
to build Pitom
and Ra'amses.

* * *

So God Himself,
not a seraph,
Performed these plagues
on our behalf:

Egyptians bathed
In Nile's mud.
Until God turned it
Into blood.

Then the frogs
swarmed from the Nile.
(Rashi says
'twas crocodile.)

Pharaoh wasn't
very nice.
That's why God
sent plague of lice.

Marauding beasts
and pestilence
kept the Egyptians
in suspense.

Pharaoh said
God was a fiction.
God replied with
skin affliction.

Hail made fields
of crops bereft.
Locust swarms
ate what was left.

How many folks
in darkness strange,
D'you think it takes,
The bulb to change?

Since Pharaoh refused
to deport us,
Their firstborn
got rigor mortis.

* * *

If you sang
one verse and chorus
It would have been
quite enough FOR us.

* * *

Next? Three things
We have to tell,
Sayeth Rabban
Gamliel.

Paschal lamb --
for God passed o'er
homes with blood
upon the door.

Matzah -- bread
that didn't rise.
(The Exodus
was a surprise.)

Maror -- 'cause
our lives were bitter.
(Couldn't find
a babysitter.)

Some folks add
symbolic orange
We don't, since
It doesn't rhyme!

* * *

Now's our chance
to eat the meal.
Afikomen
did you steal?

* * *

Goat, cat, dog, stick,
flame and water,
ox, man, angel --
God ends slaughter.

* * *

Next year's seder,
az Gott wilt,
in Jerusalem
rebuilt!


Now, if anyone knows an illustrator who might want to turn this into a book.... :-)

Comments

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

That depends. Are you looking to hire an illustrator to create the art, who would then share in the sale of the book? Or are you hoping to find someone who has as much faith in the project that he's willing to do the illustrations for free in the hopes that you could sell the book together?

We do know a few illustrators.

[530nm330hz.livejournal.com]

I was mostly joking. If this is good enough to be published for real, then I should be submitting it to a publisher and letting the publisher find an illustrator, right?

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

Not necessarily. You could team up with an illustrator and submit it together.

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

Cute!