First draft of a song for Chanukah

[rhu]

Very rough -- and normally I wouldn't post something this rough -- but Chanukah starts in less than 24 hours, and I'd like some feedback.

My first posting in this blog, five years ago, was about how most Jews who sing Maoz Tsur on Chanukah sing the wrong stanza. Well, over Thanksgiving weekend I started mulling over Yevanim Nikb'tzu Alai; Sunday night I wrote out what I had; and tonight I multitracked it. (I <3 my Zoom H4!)

So it's a rush job --- or, to be generous, it's a first draft. I didn't rehearse, so there are spots where the harmonies are missing, wrong, or even in one spot a complete train wreck. And there are spots where it needs editing. On the other hand, I just wrote and recorded a song in a few grabbed hours over a two-day period, and how cool is that?

So anyway, here it is (MP3, 2MB, 2min). What do you think?

Comments

[cellio]

I just wrote and recorded a song in a few grabbed hours over a two-day period, and how cool is that?

Cool! Thanks for sharing.

This is catchy, with nice changes in feel between the two main themes (I think of them as A and B parts).

This isn't a musical style I'm especially steeped in so I don't know if this is normative, but there's a dissonance in around "B'nei vinah y'mei sh'monah" that I heard twice, so I assume it's intentional, that stuck out to my ear. What's going on there?

[530nm330hz.livejournal.com]

What's going on there?

That would be the train wreck.

[cellio]

Oh! I'm sorry for bringing it up, then. When I heard it the first time I assumed that, but when I heard it the second time I wondered if it was intentional but following rules of dissonance with which I'm unfamiliar.