Another pass at Al ha-Nism for Yom ha-Atzmaut

[rhu]

As you may recall, I have been working on a text for Al ha-Nisim for Yom ha-Atzmaut. Since last year, I have had the benefit of meeting with Prof. Ruth Langer, an expert in liturgy, and she gave me some excellent advice and helped me rewrite it from scratch.



Feedback?

Comments

[abbasegal.livejournal.com]

It feels like it is missing the miraculous nature of the battle. An Al ha-nisim feels like it should mention the few against the many in some way...

(Just my 2 agorot worth... ;-) )

[530nm330hz.livejournal.com]

Good point, that this version has swung too far in the other direction.

[530nm330hz.livejournal.com]

Good point, that this version has swung too far in the other direction.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

I'm not particularly fluent, so this may be my lack of knowledge, but "livnot et admatecha" sounds conceptually weird to me. It doesn't sound so weird translated as "build your land", but "adamah" is more like "ground", the actual soil of the land -- is that something "livnot" can apply to? Or is that in fact a normal usage?

Also, the verb I associate canonically with "al kanfei nesharim" is nasa (lift/carry) rather than hevi (bring). Am I wrong, or was that a conscious, er, departure?

I don't remember the earlier draft, if you posted it, but would be interested to see them together. :-)

[530nm330hz.livejournal.com]

Previous text: http://530nm330hz.livejournal.com/359645.html

Essay about it: http://530nm330hz.livejournal.com/359106.html

[gnomi.livejournal.com]

I was shown a bentcher yesterday that includes an Al Hanisim for Yom HaAtzma'ut. I didn't read it closely, but I may be able to get my hands on a copy if you're interested.

[530nm330hz.livejournal.com]

Always interested, thanks.

[elul-3.livejournal.com]

It's in the USY bentcher, I believe. If Nomi can't get you a copy easily, let me know and we (read: Julian) will scan & send to you.

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[(Anonymous)]

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